Here I am.
I haven't touched blogger in probably 6 years...Not that I didn't have anything to say but I really didn't have anything I wanted to say to the world. I didn't understand this about myself for a long time. How are others so free to share their story with a ton of strangers and some people they know (hi mom!) but I didn't feel that way.
Maybe because my story is not my own? It involves a cast of characters that each have their own story. Maybe it's because I didn't value my story because I had the hardest time navigating grief. When I don't have words that perfectly fit what I want to say, I stay quiet. Unless I'm in a safe place...and blogger was never (and probably will never be) a safe place.
In the last few years, I've learned I'm an Enneagram 6 with a heavy 5 wing (though I can go into a 7 wing sometimes too). I like personality tests but what I loved and have come to realize is that a good personality test doesn't tell you anything new. It gives you words for things you already know about yourself. And what this told me is that I'm protective, scared more often than not and I question everything. So being "confident" in what I say is not always something I feel - because there is always a question in the back of my mind, "what if you're wrong?" A lot of the time this serves me and some of the time, it's a determent to myself and others.
So that's where I'm starting. What I am confident in. I'm confident that regardless of what any test tells me, I am worthy of love and am valued. Where those things don't exist, I am free to let them go. I know and believe in a God who created the universe and loved us so much and so deeply, he forged a plan to not only remove our sin from us but to obliterate it for all of time through the sacrifice of His Son on the cross. I am confident that love will always win - and Love has already won. And because love wins, each soul is inherently worth of that same love and respect. This is what I value and this is who I am in my core. I'm learning to embrace what makes me "me" - my strengths, and love the things that are weaknesses, trusting where I lack, there is still much to be gained.
What have you been learning about yourself? What do you value?
Maybe because my story is not my own? It involves a cast of characters that each have their own story. Maybe it's because I didn't value my story because I had the hardest time navigating grief. When I don't have words that perfectly fit what I want to say, I stay quiet. Unless I'm in a safe place...and blogger was never (and probably will never be) a safe place.
In the last few years, I've learned I'm an Enneagram 6 with a heavy 5 wing (though I can go into a 7 wing sometimes too). I like personality tests but what I loved and have come to realize is that a good personality test doesn't tell you anything new. It gives you words for things you already know about yourself. And what this told me is that I'm protective, scared more often than not and I question everything. So being "confident" in what I say is not always something I feel - because there is always a question in the back of my mind, "what if you're wrong?" A lot of the time this serves me and some of the time, it's a determent to myself and others.
So that's where I'm starting. What I am confident in. I'm confident that regardless of what any test tells me, I am worthy of love and am valued. Where those things don't exist, I am free to let them go. I know and believe in a God who created the universe and loved us so much and so deeply, he forged a plan to not only remove our sin from us but to obliterate it for all of time through the sacrifice of His Son on the cross. I am confident that love will always win - and Love has already won. And because love wins, each soul is inherently worth of that same love and respect. This is what I value and this is who I am in my core. I'm learning to embrace what makes me "me" - my strengths, and love the things that are weaknesses, trusting where I lack, there is still much to be gained.
What have you been learning about yourself? What do you value?
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